My name is Jack. I’m a big boy now – 5 whole years old! This is a story about my mummy. I’ll start at the very beginning. It seems a long time ago now. But daddy still gets very upset about it. I don’t like it when daddy’s upset, he cries and I don’t like seeing a big man like daddy crying…

January:

Everyone is so excited, but I don’t really understand why. Daddy says it’s because my mummy has something called a pregnant and he says it’s very good. I told her I didn’t think it was very good because she seems to be getting a lot fatter and I don’t want a fat mummy because then she won’t be able ride her bike with me! Though she’s promised me that she won’t be fat forever and that she will get thin again soon and that I will also have a baby brother or sister! I’d quite like a brother please. Then we can play football together! A sister would be bad though because girls are annoying and silly and obsessed with pink. Yuck!

I wonder why I’m getting a baby brother or sister now though, it’s not a special occasion or anything – like my birthday! And I never asked for one… hmmmm….

March:

The baby still isn’t here! I think it should hurry up because I’m bored of waiting for it to come! Mummy says not long now though. The spare room isn’t a spare room anymore; it has a little cot for the baby to sleep in when it gets here and some toys too. The toys look rubbish, I think I’ll have to share mine with it because I feel sorry for the poor baby having to play with rubbish rattles all the time. Mummy’s really really fat now!

April:

I like putting my hand on mummy’s tummy now because sometimes I can feel the little baby kicking inside her! I think it’s a he and he’s going to be good at football – but not as good as me. Daddy likes talking about names for the baby but mummy doesn’t look that excited anymore, actually she looks quite worried. Daddy says she’s just tired because having a baby inside you is hard work. I wonder how it got inside her anyway… maybe she ate it!

May:

I got a bit scared today. Mummy was in the kitchen and suddenly she started screaming really loud! She sat on the floor holding her big tummy and told me to ring daddy and tell him that the baby’s ready to come out! When daddy rushed home he put me and mummy in the car and we had to drive really quickly to a special place called a hospical. I don’t like it in the hospical, it smells funny.

Mummy was crying and shouting a lot. I don’t think the baby was being very nice to her because I think it was hurting her! I think I’m going to tell it off for hurting my mummy.

Me and daddy had to sit in a boring room for AGES!! But eventually a nice lady came and told us the baby was here and we were allowed to go see it! I’m happy because it’s a boy. My little brother is going to be called William. He’s a bit ugly and hasn’t got any hair, but I’m going to look after him so kids don’t pick on him for being ugly and bald. Daddy says me and William can’t play football yet because he’s too young and small.

Mummy seemed upset. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s nice having a baby inside you and she misses it. Or maybe it’s because William was very silly and wouldn’t stop crying. Him and mummy can come home tomorrow.

June:

Daddy has to take quite a lot of time off work now to help look after William because mummy is struggling. She cries a lot now. And she sits in the corner watching William cry for hours and hours! I don’t really get to spend much time with her anymore because she always wants to be alone in her room. She doesn’t even want to be with daddy or William so I don’t get to see much of daddy ‘cos he’s got to look after William and he says that takes a lot of work.

July:

Mummy and daddy had a big argument today. Mummy’s just stressed because she’s not got used to having a little baby yet, but she shouldn’t tell daddy off for silly things like she does. Daddy told me we should leave her alone for a bit. He went upstairs and told mummy her loves her but she just shouted that she hates William and that she wishes he had never been born! I think that’s a bit mean. He can’t help it that he’s ugly, but he’s grown a little bit of hair now so she should like him more!

August:

A special woman comes to the house now. She’s here to help mummy with William so that daddy can go back to work and get lots of money so he can take mummy on holiday. He says she needs a break.

I don’t really like the special woman though. She watches mummy and William together and says they don’t ‘interact and bond correctly’. I never understand what she says. She also told mummy she thinks she should go to the doctors because she always feels sad now and that’s not good.

September:

Mummy and daddy got back from the doctors today. Daddy had a big-boy talk with me and told me that mummy’s not very well because she has something called ‘post-natal depression’. I’m not sure what it is, but it means she doesn’t really enjoy looking after William and thinks she’s not a good enough mum for him. I told her that I think she’s a very good mummy! But she just started crying.

October:

Daddy’s getting stressed. He says he can’t cope looking after me and William AND mummy. She doesn’t get up much nowadays. Most days she just stays in bed and I can hear her sobbing when I listen at the door. I heard daddy on the phone to grandma. He said he’s very worried about mummy and doesn’t know what to do. I’m scared. My daddy always used to know what to do.

November:

Me, daddy and William went out to the park today. When we got home we saw mummy lay on the kitchen floor with lots of blood around her! Her wrist was bleeding lots and lots. Looked like a really bad paper cut. There were also lots of little white pills on the floor - like the ones daddy takes when he doesn’t feel well. I think mummy must have had a headache but scratched her arm when she was trying to get medicine out and dropped them all over the floor.

Daddy started crying and called an ambulance. He held mummy in his arms and kept telling her he loved her. I had to tell him that she couldn’t hear him because she was asleep. I don’t understand why he was upset – she goes to sleep every night and he never cries. I think he must have just been upset because mummy had made a mess in the kitchen.

A big, big van pulled up outside the house with flashing lights and a loud siren. They had come to take mummy back to the smelly hospical because she needed help waking up. This time me and daddy weren’t allowed to go and see her.

December:

I miss my mummy.

Daddy says I can’t see her anymore. She’s gone to a happy place now, where she can smile again and doesn’t have to cry anymore. I’m glad my mummy is happy again. Daddy isn’t though. I don’t think mummy should have gone to the happy place without taking us with her. I asked daddy if we could visit her sometime. He said no. I love my mummy. I asked daddy why he always cries. He said it’s because he misses mummy because he loved her very much.

And he says he wishes he could go to the happy place too.